English is a crazy language

[sidguppy]

Let's face it: English is a crazy language
There is no egg on an eggplant, nor ham in hamburger
neither apple nor pine in a pineapple.
And while no one knows what is in a hotdog,
you can be pretty sure it isn't canine.
English muffins were not invented in England
nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write,
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce,
and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
One mouse, 2 mice.
One louse, 2 lice.
One house, 2 hice ?
If teachers taught, why not: preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as Hell one day and cold as Hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out
and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus.
When the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it,
but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

English is a silly language ...
it doesn't know if it is coming or going.
I forgot to mention that if "con" is the opposite of "pro",
why isn't "congress" the opposite of "progress"? (or is it?)



found this lil gem on the wee web, had to post it here
;)
SG

[Richard B]

Totally agreed!

The article misses one of the the biggest - the rules of cricket - being in and out in an innings etc

[Shane]

As a student of languages, I am very happy English was my native language; because its spelling, pronunciation rules and grammar make it one of the hardest to learn.

Try explaining to a non-English speaker why comb, bomb, and tomb all look the same and are pronounced totally differently.
-Shane

[Bas Pels]

As a student of languages, I am very happy English was my native language; because its spelling, pronunciation rules and grammar make it one of the hardest to learn.

Frankly, if I compare English with Spanish, Spanish is much easier in spelling and pronuncation (the only hard parts are where to put an 'h' which you don't hear, and I don't manage the Spanish hard R), but the grammar is much more complicated (to me).

If you know you need a verb, there are 18 little table for each of them. Which one to use?

But yes, English does have a lot of exceptions. But most languages have - for instance, in Dutch, making a plural can be done in 4 or more differnet ways - and each time only 1 is correct

[Mike_Noren]

Frankly, if I compare English with Spanish, Spanish is much easier in spelling and pronuncation ---
But yes, English does have a lot of exceptions. But most languages have - for instance, in Dutch, making a plural can be done in 4 or more differnet ways - and each time only 1 is correct

Native Swedish speaker who knows English, German and a little Spanish here. English speakers always think English is hard, but it really isn't, I'd rate it as fairly easy. German is hard, due to its hopelessly complex grammar, while to me Spanish is the easiest of the bunch. Of course, all these languages are indo-european languages, and globally I expect big, complex and tonal languages like Chinese would probably be the hardest for me to learn.

[apistomaster]

I read that Mandarin Chinese is one of the easier languages to learn.
I think that syntax matters less much as it does in Latin.
Languages with the most in common are the easiets to learn for an native English speaker. in which case the list is this:
http://www.easiest-foreign-languages.co ... learn.html

If you compare all languages then Here is a ranking I am using as my reference:
http://how-to-learn-any-language.com/e/ ... index.html

[Shane]

Languages with the most in common are the easiets to learn for an native English speaker.

While languages that share commonalities are helpful to the learning process, there are other factors just as important in defining "easy to learn." Languages that developed as "trade languages" like Bahasa (Indonesia) and Kiswahili (East Africa) have words borrowed from many languages and very simplified rules. To denote plural in Bahasa, for example, you just say the noun twice. They also have as few as 3-5 tenses (versus 14 in English and 17 in Spanish). This is why at the Foreign Service Institute (FSI, where we teach US Diplomats languages) German, Kiswahili, and Bahasa are all 30 week courses.

I read that Mandarin Chinese is one of the easier languages to learn.

By comparison, Mandarin is an 88 week course! That is 88 weeks of 8-10 hour per day instruction just to to get a student to basic proficiency in Mandarin. In that same amount of time (88 weeks) a student at FSI could take and complete the four courses to gain fluency in Spanish, Danish, Afrikaans and Norwegian.

-Shane

[Mike_Noren]

German, Kiswahili, and Bahasa are all 30 week courses.

Now you're making me feel woefully inadequate - I studied German for three years (though only a few hours per week), and while I can read German just fine my writing and speaking is roughly on the level of Google Translate. I just can't seem to get a handle on the grammar.

On a slightly related topic... I've been meaning to brush up on my Spanish, are self-study courses like Rosetta Stone any good?

[Bas Pels]

On a slightly related topic... I've been meaning to brush up on my Spanish, are self-study courses like Rosetta Stone any good?

I don't know any, but as I'm not gifted with learning languages, I did not even try

Currently, I'm in my 4th year of a few hours a week, and approaching the European B1 level

This level is supposed to be able to have a chat, share a few jokes. Tell about one's fishes, family, friends, such things

[Jools]

I wish I knew more languages, I know a bunch of computer ones, but it is to my regret I dropped real languages like a stone at school despite being told I was able. Doubly so as Mrs D is an English language post grad! There is so much language in our house but I only have one!

Jools

[sojapat]

I still cant speak Engish properly and I have been trying for 40 odd years ...
And as far as spelling goes ..Well .. Thats poor too .

[bigbird]

languages are great. Spelling not so

[apistomaster]

Anyone ever checked the prices for Rosetta stone software?
Last I checked it was $400 and up!
Ignorance is cheap.
I did have a couple years of Latin in high school which has come in handy with many fishes scientific names and sometimes with a bit of Spanish. Romance languages evolved in large part from Latin.

[Birger]

What is really cool is my 3 yr old grandson can actually translate for me when it comes to Haka and Cantonese (Chinese dialects) nothing like learning from a young age.

I have learned a few words, very difficult to go farther but it is quite interesting.

Birger

[apistomaster]

What is really cool is my 3 yr old grandson can actually translate for me when it comes to Haka and Cantonese (Chinese dialects) nothing like learning from a young age.

I have learned a few words, very difficult to go farther but it is quite interesting.

Birger

Oh, to be young again.
I try to pick up some Japanese by watching Japanese Animes like "Bleach" with English subtitles.
Not so easy when one is 30 times older than your grandson.

[Shane]

On a slightly related topic... I've been meaning to brush up on my Spanish, are self-study courses like Rosetta Stone any good?

Unfortunately no. After a careful study of achieved results, the program was dropped by FSI as a learning tool.
It might be worthwhile to pick up some basic phrases for use while on holiday, but you will not "learn" a foreign language from it.
-Shane

[wrasse]

still cant speak Engish properly and I have been trying for 40 odd years ...

I have to 'tune in' my ears every time I visit Pier.
Its just like walking on to the set of Corrie!
And how you find time to run the corner shop is beyond me... Rita!

[sidguppy]

Now you're making me feel woefully inadequate - I studied German for three years (though only a few hours per week), and while I can read German just fine my writing and speaking is roughly on the level of Google Translate. I just can't seem to get a handle on the grammar.

for a mainland European German isn't that hard

like you I can read it fine, speaking and listening is harder, especially the latter
being half deaf doesn't help

hell, I even use English subtitles when watching moviers
not because my English is bad (it's not) but the neighbors won't be amused if they can lip-sync with whatever movie I'm watching
and yes it goes to 11

with German I just use Dutch with umlauts stacked on

works like a charm. "Germanifize" my own speako is ezypezy.
;)

[Mike_Noren]

Unfortunately no.

I suspected as much, self-study is in general much less effective than teacher-led study.

[torbanite]

One house, 2 hice ?

Well Her Majesty QE2 (bless her) pronounces it one hice, two hices.

with German I just use Dutch with umlauts stacked on

works like a charm. "Germanifize" my own speako is ezypezy.
;)

I don't know enough Dutch to know if/how much you're joking, but I speak passable German, and listening to people speaking Dutch/Flemish drives me nuts. My brain tells me I ought to understand it, but all I can make out is a Geordie arguing with a laryngitic German over a bad telephone line.

[sidguppy]

I suspected as much, self-study is in general much less effective than teacher-led study.

thank the gods for that, because I would be out of a job if it worked just as good...

[Mike_Noren]

My brain tells me I ought to understand it, but all I can make out is a Geordie arguing with a laryngitic German over a bad telephone line.

It's odd but it does seem as if understanding between languages can be asymmetric. Danish is closely related to Swedish, and danes I've talked to say they understand spoken Swedish, but swedes, especially those from northern Sweden such as myself, do not understand spoken Danish at all.

[MatsP]

It's odd but it does seem as if understanding between languages can be asymmetric. Danish is closely related to Swedish, and danes I've talked to say they understand spoken Swedish, but swedes, especially those from northern Sweden such as myself, do not understand spoken Danish at all.

I agree, my parents came from Southern Sweden, and I can, with much difficulty understand some Danish. The danes I've met understand nearly anything I expect them to understand when I speak Swedish.

--
Mats

[L number Banana]

If you say "make the bed", do you put sheets and pillows on it or get out the wood and hammer?

Depends on the language.

Shut the light, turn out the light, put the light out, turn off the light. Same meaning in four different lingos.

Got any others like those?

[MatsP]

In Swedish, you say "laga mat", which in direct translation to English means "repair food" which kind of implies that it wasn't "working" or was "broken".

All languages have these quirky things if you spend enough time thinking about what the words mean (which, as a native speaker, you often don't!)

--
Mats

[Shane]

If you say "make the bed", do you put sheets and pillows on it or get out the wood and hammer?

Some of these phrasings are becoming generational. A guy at work was telling me that he told his son to "turn the channel" on the TV several times. Finally he said, "Just change the channel" and his son said, "Oh that is what you wanted."

Phrases like "roll down the car window" or "dial a phone number" will make no sense to my daughter who only knows powered car windows and touchtone phones.

I am sure other can think of similer phrases where technology is changing how we speak.
-Shane

[Jools]

And to extend that there are no tubes in our TVs these days excepting YouTube! Handbrake is another one. I've driven quite a few hire cars recently where there was no handbrake. In interface design we see dial round phones and floppy disks uses all over the place - you have to be how old to remember these? Late-night TV can be watched anytime. Remember video games having (up) loading screens...

My favourite word about to be consigned to the dustbin? Rewind.

Jools

[torbanite]

My favourite word about to be consigned to the dustbin? Rewind.

Hmm.. not sure about that... My bet is that "rewind", "dial" etc will be around for a long time yet.

We still talk about a gun barrel, despite the fact that barrel making techniques haven't been used to make gun barrels for 500 years or so.

How many us will, at some point today, go in to town? How many of us care if "town" originally referred to the fence/wall round the place rather than the place itself? (c.f. german "der Zaun" (the fence)).

My car's power output is still specified in horsepower.. I think I've once in my life ridden a horse.

Lead has been banned in plumbing systems for some decades now, but plumbers aren't likely to start calling themselves "copper/plastic tube installers" anytime soon (I suspect).

[L number Banana]

I am sure other can think of similer phrases where technology is changing how we speak.
-Shane

A teenager writing their first rent cheque:
"I have to spell out the whole number??"

[RickE]

In the UK at least, it won't be many years before they don't even know what a cheque is.